


the DDOS attack that saved the world

by dinosaurrainbowstarfish (Charlie572)



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: A little angst, Crack, M/M, happy ending in the style of 2012 avengers fanfics, there's some swear words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:20:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23435302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie572/pseuds/dinosaurrainbowstarfish
Summary: this is the stupidest thing I've ever written but it won't fucking leave me be so here we goNo beta, typed directly into ao3I am NOT calling for a real DDOS attack against any site, entity, corporation, or individual. Under no circumstances should you attempt a DDOS attack on the basis of this fic. It's just a joke pls don't suspend my account haha
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims
Comments: 8
Kudos: 33





	the DDOS attack that saved the world

Who the fuck knows what time it is? Midnight? Noon? It's eye o'clock babey and Jon and Martin are trying to have a nap after a whole lot of crying. Caramelldansen is playing really loud from outside, sometimes sounding close, sometimes far. Even when it's coming from far away it's still really loud. So basically Jon and Martin are staring at each other in the dark trying to come up with what to do from here.

After a couple of hours Caramelldansen starts playing faster. Jon gets up to go yell at the sky. Martin follows him, intent on making sure he doesn't totally lose it. Also to make sure he doesn't get cold. Jon needs to be cuddled all the time, he's cold-natured.

The eye is spinning in circles like a merry-go-round. An avatar of the stranger is throwing flashlights at an avatar of the dark just for funsies I guess. Maybe they're trying to play catch? 

Jon gets a broom. He goes outside (!) and Martin puts him up on his shoulders and he starts waving the broom at the eye. He's not tall enough to reach but it's something. Then Martin gets an idea. He pulls out his phone, which is still working. 

"Hey everyone," he types, into the Fearpocalypse Survivors Discord. "What if we all play caramelldansen at once and make it unplayable? Then the Spiral will get mad and leave!"

Everybody agrees and starts playing caramelldansen on spotify, youtube, pandora, and all the other music platforms. Suddenly caramelldansen stops playing and the internet fucking breaks.

"I CLOSE THE DOOR! GET OUT OF HERE MOTHERFUCKER" Jon yells from on Martin's shoulders. The eye vanishes. So does all the other weirdmageddon shit. The former Stranger and Dark avatars start playing catch with the flashlights, for funsies I guess. 

A yellow door opens up behind Jon and Helen Richardson and Michael Shelley both fall out on the ground. The door immediately vanishes.

"What the fuck I thought you were dead?" Jon shrieks at Michael Shelley. 

"No, I'm fine. I could use some pizza though." He wanders off in search of Pizza, leaving Jon and Martin to wonder at the fact that he really does talk like that.

"It's on me. Sorry for trapping you in the fear tunnels for all eternity."

"Ha, same to you I guess, Helen." 

Jon and Martin watch them trudge off down the driveway. 

Jon's flipphone rings. It's Daisy.

"Daisy! You're okay!" Martin smiles. He and Daisy don't really get along but Jon sounds really happy. And who knows, now that there are no fear entities to worry about, maybe he can make some new friends.

"DUDE YOU WERE IN AMERICA AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT THE 72 OZ STEAK DEALS?"

"The what?"

"IF YOU EAT A 72 OZ STEAK AND A BAKED POTATO IN AN HOUR YOU GET IT FOR FREE! Sorry for scaring you guys back there I was just really hungry and it made it kind of hard to think? I think I have iron deficiency. Anyway. I'll catch up with you guys later, mmkay? I have a record to beat."

Jon hangs up the phone. They did it, they saved the world. And all it took was a DDOS attack.

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I have no idea how a DDOS attack works but please do not attempt to save the world by telling everybody on the planet to play caramelldansen at the same time. I think there could be like actual legal consequences? Anyway don't do that.


End file.
